Revenge of the Pimpstick

pauraque and others have already posted interesting summaries and reviews of that darn Potter movie, but I can’t stand being left out. So here, for what they’re worth, are my scattershot observations on Goblet of Fire:


--There’s bound to be bitching from people whose favorite scene got cut – and I’m willing to bet just about everyone will suffer a pang of loss – but I think Mike Newell and company did a spectacular job of compressing a rambling narrative into a two-hour film. The pacing is as precise as a metronome. I, for one, didn’t miss the damn house elves, and I survived the fact that now I’ll never see Snape in his gray nightshirt (woe). Bet you will, too.

--The kids finally get to act like the teenagers they are. At one point, a pouting Ron tells Harry to “piss off.” Yay! And Neville… awww. He’s given some splendid coming-of-age scenes. I’d even say he stole the film, if it weren’t for…

--RALPHEMORT! Newell – or whoever – wisely decided not to tamper with Ralph Fiennes’ phenomenal eyes, and they're left to glow in all their surreal glory. The result is our first glimpse into Voldie’s megolomaniacal mind: You see his lunacy, his rage, his excitement, and, most important, the I’m-so-in-the-moment euphoria that prompts him to challenge Harry to a frigging duel when he should have clubbed him with a rock. He’s a flawed but magnetic character, and an improvement on J.K. Rowling’s Scooby-Doo characterization. Did I mention he’s curiously erotic for a man without a nose? Yeah. Curiously erotic.

--The graveyard scene is more frenetic than in the book, lending a certain feasibility to its heroic!denouement. No Voldie monologue, no long wait for the Death Eaters to arrive. Bang, bang, bang: Events pile up in a quick crescendo until we reach the priori incantum and the Boy Wonder's escape with poor, beautiful, Dead!Cedric’s body. Of course, no discussion of the graveyard scene would be complete without mentioning…

--LUCIUS! He’s in two scenes and makes the most of them. At the Quidditch Tournament, he swings his pimpstick, flounces, sneers and pokes his son. At the First Annual Death Eater Reunion Party, he and his Dark Lord take turns chewing the proverbial scenery. My God, you can even see his platinum hair peeking out from beneath his DE hoodie. Way to be anonymous, you sexeh, narcissistic thang. And yes, the “Lucius, my slippery friend” line is included in all its glory.

--With the exception of the Christmas Ball, I think Draco wears the same black turtleneck for the length of the film. That boy is so going to grow up to be a hairdresser.

--Odds and ends: Cedric? Hot. Krum? Hotter. Krum/Ron? Hottest. Man, those two aren’t even subtextual. Cho has a cute Scottish accent. Dumbledore is human, and Snape minces nicely in the few scenes he's given (great encounter with Harry in a closet, or something akin to a closet, leave me my metaphor dammit).

--Main quibble: I thought the movie closed on an awkwardly upbeat note (hey, kids, friends are great! Or somesuch). There’s no sense of impending war, no universal shock/disbelief at the return of Voldemort (not even a gasp from students when Dumblie utters his "unspeakable" name). There’s just Hermione sighing that things won’t ever be the same – and they won’t, but her statement seems to reflect less on Voldemort than it does on the troublesome changes wrought by puberty. So. A good line, but not nearly enough. Steve Kloves needs to go off his meds long enough to find the balls to write an unhappy ending. Because dude? GoF has an unhappy ending. And it’s a necessary one that sets us up for the capslocked world of OotP.

Quibbling aside, this is a fine, fine flick… arguably the best in the HP series, though Cuaron is still beloved in my book.

Finis. And now, I’d just like to say I’m insanely jealous of everyone who’s been able to meet tinderblast during her North American sojourn. I weep! I weep harda!

ETA: Happy birthday to iibnf, queen of all things furred and feathered!